hw 36 comments for other peoples drafts

comment on brittani's cool paper

Hi Brittani i know you told me what was posted the time i read it isn't your entire essay but I think it is a great beginning. Its insightful and brings up a lot of good points. From what i read i think you main idea was about how cool is used as a way to express oneself but more so how cool means different things to different people. In other words The cool concept has provided nearly all of society with a method of expressing their ideology through speech and physical appearances. This a great thought that shows how cool is practiced through material items to supress an intangible fear

I agree with you completely one of the main reasons cool is so widely practiced is because it allows us to express opinion. cool is a way for us to pick an appearance since we cant pick anything else about our physical characteristics we go to cool so we can gain control. Trying to change something that you simply cant is probaly one of the reasons cool is such a big industry, companies like Levies make millions of dollars helping you mask the immutable aspects of ones self.

some things to work on and to better shape you paper are to obviously it you should work on completing your arguments and centering them around your main idea. Always keep you main idea in mind so you dont go off track which i sometimes do. I think it might be a good idea for you to look over Andy's paper, it will not only help you see a model of what ideas are good to bring up it might also provide you with evidence or remind you of things we discussed in class for you to add in you paper. also in your section where you talk about tattoos and what they represent i think you should expand a little on that and try to emphasize the importance of these acts (tattooing, hair-styles, clothes) each of these tangible items are separate but you could intertwine them under a central idea. All in all what you have has some solid ideas and interesting points, you just need to add a little, reshape it and make sure it flows which is normal for a first draft.

comment on will's cool paper

hey will i decided to comment on you rough draft for homework 36

I'll just start by saying that i really think your topic of cigarettes and their role on the cool stage is really original. its an interesting angle that is definitely worth exploring. I think your papers overall theme and main idea is that cigarettes have become one of the main symbols of cool and further more cigarettes have become the one truly explosive and predominate aspect of the cool society it has had the unique ability to show rebellion to our neighborhood and conformity to cool heroes.

we go to great lengths to accomplish the cool pose, we even risk our own health to look heroic.
When someone picks up a cigarette for the first time they leave their traditional archetype and shift to a rebel in their own or their parents eyes and a conformist to the other rebels. the different cool poses we conform to are like the and what can make this so bad is that in some cases we as a society distort the truth, rejecting the realization that what we are doing to be cool is hurting us because it has become defining component in our everyday life. Like how so many people still smoke even though it is proven to hurt us.

Your comment that cigarettes show how desperately we want to be cool is really insightful and really worth expanding. That could possible become an entire argument. You should definitely go into more detail on how cigarettes allow us to look cool but also why we want to look so cool and why its tangible items that don't show anything real. If you do end up expanding on why we act so cool in your final paper you could use the lecture from matt fried for evidence. also i agree with what andy said there is a lot for you to analyze what he said specifically about how its cigarettes and not pipes is really interesting and worth going into.


comment for alicia

Since your thesis is about our sense of emptiness and how we use cool to fill that void I think you can find some good evidence from homework 30. I wrote about a psychologist named victor frankl he talked about how we often realize out insignificance in comparison to the rest of the universe. You should probably talk about how cool is a way to combat that feeling

Your fist argument is interesting and worth putting in, but just so it doesn’t seem too epical it might be good to write about where cool is set in our upbringing, more of why of a why do we care so much and what does cool do for us, if you do decide to write about that the lecture by the psychologist matt from a while ago might be good for evidence and reference.

When you talk about archetypes it might be good to quote the lecture from fanning and the feeling of joining a tribe. Andy told me in my paper I needed to make my paper a little more personal so it couldn’t to talk a little about what joining an archetypes feels like, but not too personal. Just a bit about leaving one box and joining another so are we ever really not in an archetype or cultural group.

For your last argument I think the use of mean girls as evidence is a very good idea.

Your outline seems to be set up really well and if its any indication of what your paper will be it should be good. Hope this helped

Evan