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Parenting is one of the most controversial topics I can think of. Every time there is a major problem with a teen someone always says "where were the parents." It happened with Columbine and it happens when a kid shoplifts. That's shows the importance of parenting, I think that parenting even at the youngest age can greatly effect the children mentally for years to come.

It's important to note, when talking about parenting and ways to raise children, that kids are modelers, they mirror what they see and hear from nearly everyone around them. So with that in mind we can reach the conclusion that to raise good kids they must be in a good environment. Their parents, extended family and community need to all be good role models. That is why I believe in the village idea of raising a child, while the parents might be the most important you cannot undervalue the importance of the everyone else around the child. They learn how to act and normal social scripts from everyone around them therefore its not just the parents its everyone around them. This idea that children model everything they see is backed up by the Albert Bandura Bobo doll experiment. In the psychological experiment adults beat up a doll with a hammer and this was shown to children, then the children where put near the doll and because of what the adults preformed the children displayed aggression towards the doll, thus mirroring what they saw the adults doing. Therefore children need as many good role models as they can get.

In my opinion the main principles or themes of parenting shift depending on the age of the child, for instance in most modern families when the child is a baby the relationship is Child-centered and there is relatively no mature humor is involved but once the child becomes a teenager and then an adult more humor is involved and less obedience and subornation. This is good because there are certain things a child must learn when they are young, young children are very egocentric and so parenting at that age is shifted to discipline and learning.

I do not however believe that parenting is something nature or innate it is a learned skills and something that is shaped by the way you were parented. As an example a man who had a distant relationship with his father probably will make a point to be close with his son. My mother told me that she did read a few parenting books before i was born but said that she didn't think it helped much, so i doubt i will ever end up reading a pile of books on how to raise kids. To reiterate i do not think parenting is innate or something that you can just pick up from a book, i think it shaped by ones experiences and ones own experiences.

Part 2
I read the ferberizing link and I have mixed feelings. I am an advocate for parenting that teaches the child independence and that is one of the goals of the Ferber method so in that respect I think it is a good think. When a child is codled for his or her entire life they don't know how to live independently and when they leave home for college or what have you they are lost. At the same time it seems kind of cruel, I understand that the baby isn't just left all night but its still seems a little messed up. The baby is helpless and the parent essentially leaves them even if it is only for a few minutes. So I understand why some parents might not want to ferberize their children.

The attachment parenting text was interesting. Some of it seemed like it was saying the same basic thing again and again. A lot of the seven tools were about the baby feeling close and a close/secure relationship between mother and baby. It all seems kind of modern and "new mother" but too much. I got the impression that if your baby doesn't constantly need you and cal for you then you must be doing it wrong, which obviously is not true. I agree with number three, I think it basic common sense that a baby develops a familiarity with those they spend most time with. Maybe that is why so many new mothers try to always be near their children. The one i don't agree with as much is number 6 and all the others that say don't listen to any system that tries to decrease your attachment with the baby. While I agree that a mother should have a strong connection with their baby that should eventually decrease. The mother should not be too close because eventually the child will grow up and needs to be independent and it never too early to start systems that promote independence. That is why i am a proponent of systems that help maintain a relationship between mother and child but also promote a sort of growing distance.

I also read the "when parenting theories backfire" article which was more about discipline than anything else. I believe theories like this go by a case to case basis and we can see it in this article. Whether or not this system in particular works seems to be based on the child's intelligence. I do not think the system would have back fired if the kids, specifically Abigale didn't realize they could initiate and give the parents a choice as a opposed to the parents giving the kids the options. As soon as the kids realized that they could control the situation the systems purpose was defeated. It was based on choice but that the parents would be the ones who gave the choice. Essentially it is discipline with some freedom. But the entire discipline aspect went out the door when the kids realized they could give choices.