58

part 3: interviews,
main points:

• in the lecture/interview with Margaret she explained that her main goal was to raise simply good, hard working, honest, happy people. Another two points were that yelling doesn't seem to be an effective style of parenting and that parenting means sacrificing no matter what.
• In the lecture with Marks we talked more about how kids are raised based on culture and the styles that emphasize getting the kid active or giving them interests they can follow later in life; rather than discipline. He also explained that there seems to be a best solution/parenting style for each situation, with that in mind there are then pros and cons for each style, whether it be concerted cultivation or accomplishment of natural growth.
• The parent I interviewed described her parenting style as disciplined yet free. She wants her kids to know that she wanted them to be independent and have control of their own lives but just not be stupid. She also explained that she believes a cornerstone of good parenting is trust. Trust between the parent and child is important at every stage from the time they are young to the time they are teens.

The prevailing theme in all three of these lectures/interviews is giving the child choice but limited choice. In the Margaret interview she said she didn't want to yell at her kids and tell what they should be doing all the time but at the same time wanted them to make the right decisions, wanted them to be on the right path. In the marks interview we talked about how in concerted cultivation the child has the choice of what he wants to do but it not simply watching t.v. it's learning an instrument. and in my interview the parent talked about her emphasis on setting up only a few rules like for safety or education but the rest was a choice by the child.

Overall i think this is a good way to parent giving them certain rules as a way to make sure they will reach certain goals. I think it helps the child become more well rounded academically, socially, and in some cases athletically. That is why I like the concerted cultivation method a lot more than accomplishment of natural growth and I would probably raise my kids with that method over another. Additionally the more i think about it the more i see emphasis on concerted cultivation in our culture. There are so many programs set up inside and outside schools that are trying to get kids interested in things like piano or painting not just playing outside or playing video games. But concerted cultivation needs to be based on choice not force. I think it is better to have the kid pick his activity and try it for a while, if they don't like it they can move to something else. The kids are disciplined because they are controlled in to doing only certain things but they have choice because they control which activity they do. Control with choice.

Part 4:This mini parenting unit has brought up many interesting ideas about this incredibly universal topic. One major issue that i have realized about parenting is that quite often parents have conflicting interests, they want what's best for their kids but also want to be part of their lives. For instance, parents who ferberize their children often have a hard time doing so because they feel like their child is helpless. They want their children to grow up independent but also want to be "there" for their children. This is also seen in attachment parenting, the parent wants to close to their child but they can't be close forever so when it's time to let go it's harder. and in that respect it hurts the child. These examples of the constant conflicting interests in parenting show how and why it is such a complex issue. Understanding this aspect of parenting has helped me understand the way i was parented and adjust my understanding of all these parenting styles.

Another insight I gained in the parenting mini-unit that adjusted my understanding of the topic of parenting is the effect siblings has on the way children are parented. I think that having a sibling changes first off the amount of time a parent thinks they need to spend with the child. A single child will be seen by the parent as their one chance and will be a much more attentive parent who pushes the child much more, that is why i think there is more concerted cultivation in single child homes rather than multiple child homes. Additionally parents who have more than one child probably won't put much pressure on their children maybe because then there is more than one immunity project. Moreover having siblings also helps develop social skills and manners/social scripts at a much earlier age. This insight on the advantages of siblings and the role of siblings has, like the other insights gained in the parenting mini-unit changed my understanding of why my parents might have had two children and how my life would have been different without a sibling. It has also made me think about the number of kids i might want and how i will change my parenting understanding.